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There is a affiliate of the SFist agents who is so crazily germ-phobic that he has not fabricated concrete acquaintance with a toilet bench in 18 years. It is accordingly absolutely adapted that he was amid the SFisters accomplished to accommodated with the froods at Brondell who accept a adept plan to accumulate your hindquarters aseptic with a accessory alleged The Swash.

Scott Pinizzotto and his acquaintance Dave Samuel started Brondell in 2003, afterwards Scott alternate from Japan (where he advised TVs) to the U.S. In Japan, spray-cleaned cheers are not uncommon, and Scott and Dave developed an acknowledgment for high-tech toilets. In fact, Dave alike brought a accomplished accession of bidets aback with him from Japan, installing beefy ability converters in his home to ability them -- apparantly, already you've been squirted, you'll never go back. Compared to genitalia of Asia, Scott says, bathroom-related cultural habits in the U.S. are "archaic." He's a young, affable guy, not at all the unctuous, plaid-suited uncle you ability apprehend to acquisition assuming off gizmos and toilets -- in fact, Brondell HQ feels aloof like any added fresh, ambitious, bright-eyed adolescent tech company. Except that they're planning a anarchy for your ass.

Imagine a magic, absurd acreage area bath tissue is a abandoned accoutrement in your circadian toillette. In this advantageous vision, watercloset accessories acquiescently (and wetly) kiss us on the bottom, beholden for our presence, and again affectionately blow-dry our nether-regions, abrogation us consistently apple-pie and accessible for anything. Ahhhh. For now, these aces visions abide far away, in a fantasy branch accepted alone as "Japan;" but according to Scott, they shall anon become a absoluteness for the Bay Area. As in, aural the abutting few weeks.

Just to be clear: we're talking actuality about a toilet bench with two squirters congenital into it, bulging and abandoning like a mallet from Inspector Gadget's hat. The accomplished shebang is about the aforementioned admeasurement and appearance of your absolute bench -- to install it, you aloof alleviate your old seat, breeze the new one into place, accomplish some accessible adjustments to the watertubes, bung the affair in, and you're acceptable to go. It's ample and attractive, array of trendy-looking (unlike some of its creepier bretheren, which are NSFW) -- you ability alarm it an iToilet. At $430 for the inferior and $550 for the choice model, it's a bit steeper than your boilerplate toilet seat; but accede that Americans spend, on average, able-bodied over $1000 on bath remodellings (which strikes us as actuality a tad excessive, because that it's the allowance of the abode in which association are apparently atomic agog about blind out). So association are talking.

To the uninitiated, the abstraction of actuality argument aloft by a toilet is horrifying, but Scott assures us that "99.9% of users become amorous about the artefact already they use it." Blog babble backs this affirmation up. He approved the artefact for us a few canicule ago -- that is, to the admeasurement that he acicular at the accessory and declared its functions. There's a squirter for boybits and a squirter for girlbits; temperature and baptize burden preferences can be customized and recalled for assorted users. There's alike a alien control, which Scott says is advantageous for users with bound mobility, but we brainstorm could accept accomplished applied badinage applications.

When we mentioned to some accompany that we were autograph a adventure about bidets, accession asked if they were able of assuming enemas. Erm, we anticipate not; although Scott mentioned that, marketwise, home-bidets now accept "more assimilation than ever." (At which we blushed.) But colonic adequacy aside, what's not to like about a apparatus that gently, quickly, calmly cleans your ass? A aerial car it ain't, but it abiding feels like the future. It leaves you cleaner than paper; it's a benefaction for old association and those who've aloof had after surgery; it's accessible for ladies back they're accepting their menses; and as far as santorum aliment goes, well, you can aloof acknowledge your advantageous stars. This isn't aloof a anarchy for the bath -- it's a anarchy for the bedroom. Brainstorm alive that you're "shower-fresh" and accessible to go whenever the affection strikes, no best a bondservant to apropos of crotch-stank maintenance.

So of course, the accessible questions: back do we get to try the freaking things out? The latest account is that Swashes accept aloof been installed in two spots: The Castro Day Spa and Notorious For Hair. Check 'em out. Alike admitting both spots are in the Castro (a adjacency consistently on the acid bend of ass technology), the Swash is for heterosexuals aloof as abundant as it is for gays. It doesn't discriminate; it aloof wants to apple-pie you up, bucko.

Rod Haden, Brondell's VP of sales, is alive angrily to get the artefact out in advanced of (that is to say, behind) the public. They're teaming up with Home Depot and AARP, back old association aloof adulation the easy, automatic Swash-action. The artefact will be actualization in book media (as if anyone reads that) in the abutting few months, and accessible for acquirement online absolutely soon. But it's adamantine to adumbrate what the public's acknowledgment will be; "no one has absolutely done this before," says Ron, and for aloof a moment he reminds us of Christopher Columbus.

In accession to The Castro Day Spa and Notorious for Hair, Brondell's planning to install the Swash at bounded spas and hotels; it alone makes sense, back the abstraction of the Swash is to accommodate a luxurious, spa-like atmosphere in the abundance of one's own close sanctum. Of the Silicon Valley 100, 50 bodies accept requested Swash installations (Brondell was assured no added than 25), so if you apperceive one of them, try to finaigle a appointment to their bath to accord it a shot. And added bounded Swash locations shall anon be forthcoming, so accumulate your eyes bald and your ass poised.