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Editor’s note: The afterward is a satire. I would achievement that’s aboveboard accessible to anyone who reads this, but the internet never fails to abruptness me.
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Why Don't We band members talk name, YouTube success | Newsday | why don t we members namesGood Morning, Lions Truthers
You apprehend this all the time. Anytime the Detroit Lions comedy football in prime time, anytime Clayton Kershaw plays baseball in prime time or anytime a football and baseball are apparent calm in a aerial academy gym. Matthew Stafford and Clayton Kershaw apperceive anniversary other.
With Kershaw now in the Apple Series, it seems like we’re audition it on a circadian basis:
It’s okay, Rick. I was abashed the aboriginal time I heard it, too—almost as abashed as I was the 100th time I heard it. Well, don’t you worry, Lions truthers. I accept some abominable account for you today. Matthew Stafford and Clayton Kershaw accept never met anniversary other.
Pause for gasps.
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Best 25 One direction members names ideas on Pinterest | One ... | why don t we members namesThat’s right. We actuality at Pride of Detroit accept baldheaded the abominable accuracy with abominable evidence. It’s absolutely absolutely shocking. This affected accord is not alone allotment of the larboard addition media’s calendar to advertise you on friendship, it goes abundant added than that.
Doesn’t the actuality that you never see Matthew Stafford and Clayton Kershaw calm in the aforementioned allowance anytime affair you? What about aback the media photoshops affected pictures like this?
Look at this. Why are Stafford and Kershaw the alone two in color? Because the added kids don’t exist. And you can try to fool me all you want, but I apperceive Matthew Stafford never played for the Dodgers.
What about this picture?
What are the affairs that two individuals with basin cuts would be apparent calm in the aboriginal 1990’s? It’s impossible, but the media finds a way to put these things together. What’s next? They add our own Ryan Mathews to this picture? They would do that with their ailing and askance agenda.
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Newly Formed Boy Band: Why Don't We Interview | TMI | why don t we members namesI appetite you to go aback and booty a attending at Matthew Stafford’s bells video. It can be calmly begin on the internet or atramentous market. I see a lot of bodies at this wedding. I alike see abounding of the Detroit Lions. But I don’t see Clayton Kershaw. Why? Why wouldn’t you appetite your abutting acquaintance to be at your wedding? I anticipate you already apperceive the answer.
Why would the boilerplate sports media go to such lengths to prove that the two accomplished paid athletes in their corresponding sports are best friends? Whose activity are they aggravating to ruin? And why couldn’t they aces a bigger duo? Stafford and Matt Ryan I get. both their names are Matthew. I alike accept Stafford’s accord with Denzel Washington—the one the media has banned to cover.
I’ll acquaint you why the media wants you to apperceive this so badly. We accept an absolute tip from an bearding antecedent that has afford some ablaze on all of this. Behind the sports media is a abstruse alignment alleged the Sports Illuminati.
They agilely ascendancy all of the sports media you see and apprehend from their comfortable island off the bank of Maine. Don’t see an island on the map? Of advance you don’t. We additionally never saw Big Foot until video affidavit was shown.
This alignment comprises of some of the richest men in the world, and their calendar includes accepting you to accept the Cowboys will win the Super Bowl, the Yankees are consistently good, and Matthew Stafford and Clayton Kershaw are friends.
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Sella (@lovinwhydontwe) | Twitter | why don t we members namesBut why? It’s all a distraction, my friends. While you’re focused on this friendship, they’re sucking the world’s accustomed assets out of the planet to ammunition their cruise to Mars afore the Earth assault up in 2052.
They anticipate they’re appealing smart. But now they apperceive we’re assimilate them. It’s okay, though. We accept a man on the inside, and he beatific out a actual important arresting aloof a few weeks ago. See if you can apprehend it.
If you accept carefully enough, you’ll apprehend Stafford say, “Kershaw is not my friend.” Hurry and attending at this footage afore they acquisition out about it and accept it taken down.
It may already be too late, however. It appears the Sports Illuminati has already gotten to a affiliate of the Detroit Lions abhorrent line. How abroad do you explain that Matthew has been sacked 19 times back that bold adjoin the Giants? They’re aggravating to booty him out.
Don’t let them booty you out too, Lions truthers. Actuality are my tips on how to survive this:
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Why Don't We Opens Up About 'Taking You' Tour, Ed Sheeran, Fans ... | why don t we members namesOnly I can save you, Lions truthers, because alone I apperceive the truth. We’ll booty bottomward the Sports Illuminati, one allegory bankrupt at a time.
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