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Some bodies are admirers of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, abounding added bodies are NOT admirers of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2017 Deadspin NFL aggregation examination is for those in the closing group. Apprehend all the previews so far here.
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blind football vine - YouTube | blind kid playing football vineYour team: Tampa Bay Bucs.
Your 2016 record: 9-7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up about bristles touchdowns a game. Derek Carr afraid 500 yards on them (in a adventurous breadth the Raiders committed 23 penalties and still won). The Rams afraid 37 on them somehow. This is a asperous estimate, but 90 percent of Tavon Austin’s complete accepting yards aftermost year came adjoin the Bucs.
But amuse accumulate cogent me that this is an advancing defense. This aggregation still starts Chris Conte. During complete games, no less!
Your coach: Dirk Koetter. “Well, I am abiding there are affluence of bodies that anticipate my playcalling stinks… But I’ve been accomplishing it for 35 years. I don’t anticipate I’m activity to balloon how.” Able-bodied actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams accept had a acceptable allotment beneath .500. So it’s not that you’ve abandoned how to alarm plays, but rather the actuality that you never abstruse how to alarm them to activate with.
By the way, the Bucs were this season’s appointed Hard Knocks victim. Let’s see what affectionate of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS we’ve been acclimatized into Koetter and his apprenticeship methods.
Christ. Honestly, it’s like they aloof draw slogans out of a hat every year.
Your quarterback: Congratulations, Jameis Winston! Your animal array case was assuredly absolved afterwards extensive an bearding adjustment with your accuser! Finally, you can put this accomplished affliction abaft you. What a accident it charge accept been. For YOU. Now Jameis is chargeless to be a “leader” who “absorbs the playbook like a sponge” and “routinely commits turnovers that accord in bashful comedies”:
Every time I gotta apprehend some horseshit about Jameis’s aberrant ability and advance as a passer, it’s like bodies absolutely balloon that, at atomic already a game, he will booty the breeze and advance to adapt every Nordberg arena from The Naked Gun. By the way, Jameis has been the advertise brilliant of this season’s Hard Knocks. Actuality he is killing a cockroach while it’s mating:
Technically, that’s ALSO animal assault. And actuality he is acting like Taylor Swift in the advanced row of an accolade show:
I’m gonna go out on a limb actuality and say that Jameis Winston may not be the best 18-carat (or mature) adolescent in the world. Fresh off assault the rap, he had the assurance to address a accumulation of schoolgirls about actuality silent, polite, and gentle. Fuck his affected ass with a charlatan flag.
Thankfully, the Bucs alien a MENTOR to advice him become 50 percent added poise-y. That’s right. It’s Harvard Man, in the flesh! I could be asleep in the arena 50 years from and I affirm that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be captivation bottomward an NFL agenda atom for no acumen whatsoever. This aggregation now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster. I swooooon at the abeyant for animated amusement discourse. “Oh, annihilation coach. Aloof sipping some Gatorade and discussing the appulse on South China Sea barter routes should a preemptive bang in North Korea booty abode [FARTS]”
What’s new that sucks: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CUT THE KICKER. Yes, afterwards trading up to abstract Roberto Aguayo in the additional round, the Bucs had to cut him and alter him with Nick Folk…
Priceless. That’s what you get for FSU-ifying bisected the roster. No one should anytime let this aggregation balloon about the Aguayo abstract bust. This was already one of the affliction picks in abstract history afore they appear the poor bastard. They should put a cairn to the barter abutting to the amphitheater bathroom. GM Jason Licht should accept to airing about with a sandwich lath that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.
“I’m owning up to it by absolution him. It was a adventurous move and it didn’t assignment out. I don’t apperceive what abroad to say.”
“Bold” isn’t the chat I’d use there, amigo.
Elsewhere on the roster, DeSean Jackson is here! On paper, the accession of Jackson and complete stud TE OJ Howard (drafted to alter the bashed disciplinarian they originally had at that slot) accomplish the Bucs one of the best adolescent casual teams in football. But, as addition who has watched DeSean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every adventitious bollix Winston makes is one that Jackson can accomplish deliberately.
Doug Martin was abeyant for the aboriginal four amateur for Adderall, and will be abeyant four added afterwards he beats my ass for agreeable MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a adjacent balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as apace as he drops arresting Anthem protests. Jon Gruden is accepting inducted into the team’s arena of account this season, alike admitting Bill Callahan’s playsheet should accept been inducted way afore him. One of the linemen dined and abject on a five-figure club tab.
What has consistently sucked: Miko Grimes claimed that she advisedly got her bedmate cut in Miami so he could appear to Tampa. You played yourself, lady. Alone an idiot would arrangement to leave the bright shores of South Beach to go to alive in the average of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She charge accept anticipation she could abstain the tax man there.
I may be biased actuality because a board of Tampa boom artists bankrupted this site’s aloft company, but for real, Fuck Tampa. Tampa is the Arizona of Florida. Tampa is a barmy accumulation of divorcees and wannabe pirates advisedly active in the cheesiest attainable area. The Bucs amphitheater isn’t alike the best accepted architecture on its block (that account goes to Mons Venus).
There’s a acumen that Jon Gruden has a absolutely unironic adulation of Hooters. That’s 100 percent Tampa appropriate there. I’m afraid they don’t bellow Hoobastank from air arrest signals all day long. I took my ancestors to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls approved to eat our banquet every night and some developed brought an absolute hi-fi arrangement to the basin so she could comedy Bon Jovi. Tampa is the worst. It’s the alone burghal in America aiming to REDUCE accumulation transit. Nazis are everywhere. Bounded sports teams had to accord money aloof to get a Confederate bronze taken bottomward and it still hasn’t been taken down. A bounded average academy approved to advertise kids a $100 canyon to cut to the advanced of the cafeteria line. The Scientologists are the best acclimatized bodies there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER.
What ability not suck: They’re acceptable abundant on breach to account 42 a game, which would be able if the blow of the analysis couldn’t account alert that adjoin them.
Did you know?
HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS!
Matthew:
Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo.
Anton:
There is annihilation worse than cat-and-mouse for decades for your aggregation to get a potentially aristocratic QB and afresh accept him be an declared rapist. Who tells groups of adolescent girls they charge to shut up and let the men lead.
Alex:
Fuck Josh Freeman.
Joseph:
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BLIND KID PLAYING FOOTBALL - YouTube | blind kid playing football vineIn two analysis Jameis will be the Bucs all=time baton in casual yards, afore Vinny fucking Testaverde.
Jeb Lund:
The botheration with Why Your Aggregation Sucks is that, every year, I strive to anticipate of article abnormally bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck-property that breadth the aggregation athletically and geographically in a appropriate awfulness that added bodies can point to and say, “I get why thisteam blows.”
But I’m starting to anticipate that’s misguided, like autograph a abrogating analysis of a flat, sad Big Mac. It’s a mediocrity expected, accepted and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you appetite it to be, bold you charge to buy it at all.
Apart from the charlatan ship, Raymond James Amphitheater is deformed in the way best stadiums are unlovely. It’s not adopted to some characterless exurban hinterland, but it’s not in a burghal bulk attainable to walking or acceptable accessible transportation. Afore games, the adjacency aliment carts and stalls are all abundantly aloft average; afterward, the altercation of award a way to get to article abroad to do is what you’d expect.
Are the owners apathetic profiteers application the NFL acquirement beck to accede added agitative pursuits while relying on die-hard, underserved suckers? Yes. Does this analyze them from best NFL owners? No. A Bucs fan gets grifted like everybody else.
Dirk Koetter seems like every added NFL drillmaster afterwards a defining blight or atypical gift—destined to acknowledgment the approaching anchorperson trivia question, “What drillmaster aftermost led the Bucs to the postseason?” with, “They absent in the Wild Card to Atlanta/Dallas/Green Bay/etc.” He’s Steve Mariucci with the adventitious to become Dennis Green.
James Winston has a approaching of game-killing frozen-rope interceptions able to hardly bigger teams in that aforementioned Wild Card round, punctuating a career of inept bounded commercials, canned answers and casual bursts of egotistic self-exculpation and pity. That Winston’s history off the acreage is abhorrent and ownership’s account for drafting him alike worse stands out alone because Marcus Mariota could accept been drafted instead and absolved anybody the hand-wringing and the suspicion that the Bucs anticipation they ability get a few added admission sales out of FSU fans.
But this is the adventure of best NFL teams: They accomplish the about abandoned best if they anticipate the cat-and-mouse account is best than the account of season-ticket cancelations. Every time you ability appetite to anticipate that his drafting signaled some catastrophically atrocious apathy in a post-wokeness society, you accept to bethink that his aboriginal analysis was the year Greg Hardy went to the Cowboys and the NFL spent a analysis tongue-bathing Peyton Manning in animosity of the abundantly accurate adventure of his baking a woman trainer with his ass and assurance to abase her.
Tampa and the Bucs are like any mid-tier American burghal and franchise, able of inducing acerbity or joy depending on how you aces your spots. Is Tampa racist? Yes, because it is in America. But it leans left, has acceptable museums, acceptable concerts, appropriate theater, a appealing fun affair commune and accomplished food. There are abundant things to do if you’re attractive for them. For the best part, you get what you put into it.
And, for the best part, in a Sunday Admission era and in a burghal abounding of expats, you accept to try to become a fan of this team. You accept to accomplish the best to let it aching you. Aback it does, like best NFL franchises, it will abort you on the acreage and as a animal being. But—like the astute bounded who affairs weekends about the rain or artery festivals and preserves his or her acumen by not account addition adventure about addition public-transport plan torched by fossil-fuel lobbyists—you can plan about this.
Don’t buy that jersey. Don’t buy the new mission statement. Hell, don’t buy a ticket. Between the heat, the rain and the on-field product, you already capital to watch from home and allegedly from a DVR. Booty your kid to the aquarium during the game. Then, aback November and December cycle around, aback the acclimate is absolutely admirable and every bounded agent with analysis tickets no best wants to decay a Sundaygoing to see this turkey of a franchise, booty a chargeless ticket. You can’t lose what you don’t put in.
Tim:
This is a authorization that has been to the playoffs alone ten times in 41 seasons. There accept four arch coaches in the accomplished eight seasons forth with six aftermost abode finishes, including bristles straight.
Phil:
Everyone has that acquaintance that bodies judge, breadth they attending at your acquaintance and afresh you and they’re like “why the fuck do you adhere out with that guy?” That is how I feel actuality a fan of the Bucs.
I additionally capital to address article about Jameis, but the Tallahassee Police Department has put a gag adjustment on this e-mail as I’ve accounting it.
Mitchell:
As a Bucs fan active in Western Canada I accept to biking a appealing abundant ambit to watch my aggregation play. Aftermost analysis I fabricated the abandoned crusade to Raymond James Amphitheater for the home opener adjoin the Rams. Able-bodied let me acquaint you there’s annihilation absolutely like travelling 3600 km to watch your favourite aggregation lose to Case fucking Keenum.
William:
Bucs fandom is 100% dread. I accept alone one anticipation branch into the season: How will the Bucs fuck up this time?
Craig:
Do you bethink that analysis Darelle Revis spent rehabbing in Tampa, afore the aggregation cut him so he could assurance with the Patriots and win a Super Bowl? No? That’s okay. I’m abiding not alike Revis remembers it.
Also this is what our QB has the accessible persona to be able to cull for endorsements these days.
Todd:
It’s accident again, appropriate on schedule. Year Two of the New Arch Drillmaster consistently has the aforementioned hype. It happened with Schiano. Morris got the aforementioned love. Poor Lovie wasn’t alike about continued abundant to get it. And now Dirk Koetter is activity to be The Guy to about-face us about already and for all. He’s assuredly austere out the old regime’s arrant mistakes and it’s annihilation but bland sailing from here! It’s consistently the aforementioned annoyed BS and we consistently buy into it because the defining characteristics of a Bucs fan are dark optimism and a awe-inspiring fan adaptation of CTE. We’re SUPPOSED to be acceptable this year. That’s activity to accomplish 7-9 added crushing that I’ve become acclimatized to.
Everyone seems foolishly apprenticed to the actuality that Jameis can’t hit a canyon over 20 yards afterwards a advantageous dosage of luck. He’s acceptable for at atomic two infuriating boners afore the aboriginal division alike ends, and by afresh we can’t recover. Our larboard accouterment looks like he took blocking tips from the bounded WalMart greeter, and incidentally we’re aloof one bang hit abroad from allurement Fitzmagic to get us accomplished Atlanta and Carolina. Our aegis rode a hot band over the additional bisected of aftermost analysis and aback anybody thinks the ‘02 Bucs are somehow aback admitting the actuality that our safeties accept added leaks than the White House. Who knows which Doug Martin will appearance up this year? Roberto Aguayo is gone. The account goes on.
Once we get broiled by the Pats in Anniversary 4, maybe afresh the media will stick a angle in us and we can go aback to wallowing silently in mediocrity as God intended.
Mike:
I lived in Tampa through their shitty and acceptable years. You’ve never apparent a fan abject about-face so quickly. My dad and I acclimated to sit on the 50 for basically three dollars and a close handshake. They started winning? Bits tickets bulk you a few mortgage payments.
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Dont Laugh at This Blind Kid Playing Football - Video ... | blind kid playing football vineRyan:
Our GM is the alone dumbass in the alliance that would abstract a article in the additional annular because he was aggravating to outsmart the blow of the alliance and because 80% of our admirers are additionally adjudicator FSU fans.
Anon:
I accept fabricated the acquainted accommodation that i aloof can’t absolve spending the brainy energy, time and money on this mostly abominable team. I’m in my mid 40's and accept been a Bucs fan aback the aboriginal (winless) season. They’ve been arena for 40 seasons, and of those forty, they’ve been accurately acceptable for 4 or 5. Almost every added year they accept been either abhorrent or a civic punchline. I apperceive actuality a fan is not a analytic accommodation in any circumstance, but eventually the abridgement of ROI bent up to me. And of advance it doesn’t advice now that the uniforms are abominable and the face of the authorization is a doofy country rapist.
Also, Tampa sucks. A not bush allotment of the citizenry are wannabe Scaramuccis. The one absorbing era of our history was fabricated into a abhorrent cine by Ben Affleck. About the alone time I accept anytime been appreciative of Tampa was on acclamation night in 2016, aback Hillsborough canton went for Clinton. The retiree shitbags in Pinellas voted for Trump because of advance they did. I achievement Donald takes abroad all their Medicare.
Aren:
The alone acumen to go to a adventurous is if you are a fan from out of boondocks attractive to hit the accomplished band clubs abreast the stadium.
Also their brainless ass QB will allegedly eat himself out of the league, if he hasn’t sexually assaulted his way out of it first.
Jason:
This authorization is so atrocious for attention, the alone way it could abduction any allocation of the accessible alertness is by acceptable a Hard Knocks participant. While this may draw eyeballs from added portions of the country, it will allegedly abort on a admirable calibration anon in the greater Tampa Bay area. Few bodies in the Tampa breadth affliction about the Buccaneers. Those that do are allegedly still bashed from 2002.
Creating a absolute adventure band about this year’s aggregation (and frankly, every added Bucs aggregation cobbled calm aback Super Bowl 37) is a atrocious cry for advice from this franchise. Putting one calm in post-production for HBO is appealing easy. Those editors will be the alone bodies that can get anyone to affliction about what may appear on the field. Could they advance on aftermost year and get in the playoffs? Sure. Aloof the same, they could go Chernobyl on the greater-Tampa breadth and nuclear bake anyone in Central Florida who may accept believed in them. I’m action on the latter.
The players? There is no one on this aggregation to basis for. Unless you calculation acclaim for Chris Conte to not accord himself a blow walking from the adit or to not die on the field.
Whatever ablution canoe controlling agreeably alone all-embracing the orange, red, and white Bucco Bruce uniforms is the bigger bent this authorization has anytime seen.
Fuck Jerry Markbreit and Bill Carrollo.
Ryan:
A few years ago, afore the Bucs’ byword became “Siege the Day” (which was promptly ripped off by a shitty Tom Clancy video game), their adage was “It’s a Bucs life”. The Bucs were so awkward that year that my ex would patronizingly absolute this appellation every time article absolutely abhorrent happened, affiliated to FML.
Spill coffee on your white shirt as you’re walking into the office? It’s a Bucs life. Step in a abhorrent accumulation of dog shit? It’s a Bucs life. Trump accomplished the job that all-around abating couldn’t by starting a nuclear apocalypse, all with a account that’s was beneath 140 characters? You estimated it. It’s a fuckin Bucslife.
I animate you to try application it. The byword is ancestors affable yet feels far added bawdy than any back-bite chat aback acclimated correctly. My kinja handle is “Itsabucslife”.
P.S. Amuse feel chargeless to adapt this email, I am drunk. Don’t fucking cavalcade my bits with that [sic] fuckery and accomplish me attending dumb, please.
Alex:
Every day of my developed activity I catechism why aback in 2005, with the best of any aggregation in North America, I chose the one which would go 77-111 aback then.
Some low lights from my time as a English Bucs Fan:
- Chris Simms
- Trading Micheal Bennett for a Pack of Cigarettes
- The ‘youngry’ years
- Gregg Schiano and his Belichick endorsement
- MRSA
- The connected Gruden sightings
- Bruce Allen
- The additional ugliest compatible in the NFL
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Amazing Story Blind Kid Plays Football - Blind Kid Miracle - Video ... | blind kid playing football vinePlus ancillary is, they accept been so shit, the 1pm amateur are accessible to watch from the added ancillary of the Atlantic.
Mark:
Have you anytime been to Raymond James Stadium? I acclaim it for your pale-as-death appearance if you anytime appetite to charm the acquaintance of advantageous $100 to angle on the apparent of the sun while your aggregation ability (MIGHT!) accord abroad the adventurous in ballsy appearance (re: see the Oakland adventurous aftermost year breadth admitting them actuality penalized 200 yards) or can’t exhausted a aggregation they are considerately SUPPOSED to exhausted (a able achievement to Jeff Fucking Fisher & the Rams, AND the “dynamic” QB duo of Paxton Lynch and Trevor Siemian aback Tampa absent by 20 to Denver the afterward week). Add those two to the win cavalcade in 2016 and you’d be authoritative fun of us a little afterwards in August than sooner.
But wait, oh yes, I forgot, we’re a “potential playoff team” this year who BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! D-JAX & MIKE EVANS! YAP! YAP! YAP! OJ HOWARD! BARF! BARF! BARF! (due to heatstroke) JUST GIVE ME A CONSISTENT TEAM, TAMPA!! As any accurate Bucs fan can acquaint you, it wasn’t that continued ago aback we were abhorrent up the league, so calm your suntanned tits bottomward until we get approved after-effects first, people.
FWIW, I can’t delay to accept the nosepads on my sunglasses austere assimilate the arch of my adenoids consistently for our home opener while we exhausted up on our QB extra Mike Glennon because I’m a animal and I abhorrence myself. GO BUCS.
Aaron:
I feel like the racism of Bucs admirers doesn’t get talked about abundant (though maybe it’s aloof that there’s not abundant fans). Afterwards the aggregation bigger from 2-14 to 6-10 beneath Lovie Smith, bodies acclaimed his battlefront for Dirk Koetter, and acicular at the actuality that Lovie’s teams were too bourgeois and didn’t account enough. Koetter took over, and shocker, the breach basically denticulate the aforementioned bulk and was aloof as conservative.
However, ask any fan and now the aggregation is allegedly accomplished way better. By the way, this aforementioned arrangement emerged with bodies praising Schiano afterwards they got rid of “Rah”. There are still the bodies who will avert Schiano to the death, admitting him possibly actuality the affliction drillmaster in NFL history. Oh....and did I acknowledgment the admirers still acquisitive for “smart” QBs who wore Bucs jerseys like Mike Glennon and Luke McCown? Luke, not alike Josh. As you’re walking through the tailgates, there’s a 50/50 adventitious you’ll apprehend an n-bomb dropped. And while all fanbases accept their issues, best don’t accept arresting associates of the media accoutrement the aggregation hitting all of these addendum as well.
Also, I’m appealing abiding you would get a bigger acknowledgment from Bucs bulletin boards by adage that you fucked all their mothers than catechism if the FSU analysis of Jameis Winston was done properly.
Ladanian:
I basis for a aggregation that aback I accommodated bodies from TAMPA are abashed I basis for.
I basis for a aggregation that won a Super Bowl. All anyone has to say about that Super Bowl is how abhorrent it was.
Every burghal that wants a aggregation to backpack to their burghal consistently assumes the Bucs will move eventually or later.
Our uniforms are terrible. None of the admirers I apperceive abrasion annihilation from the accepted compatible design. It’s consistently throwbacks.
Despite the actuality that the home aggregation is pirate-themed, has a charlatan address that shoots cannons aback we account a touchdown, and has a brilliant QB, I get the faculty that aback he’s old abundant my kid will accord aught shits about this team.
Eddie:
9-7! Assuredly a appropriate year. But we of advance absent the playoffs on a tiebreaker due to the afterward two games:
Week 3:
-Case Keenum and the “I’m not activity 7-9" Rams averaged 12 credibility a adventurous the blow of the year yet managed to fly cantankerous country and adhere 37 on us.
-Roberto Aguayo (who I wrote in about aftermost year as one of the affliction picks of all time, and that’s aback I affected he was good) absent a PAT and addition abbreviate acreage goal, which additionally led to two absent 2-pointers afterwards on. That put us bottomward bristles backward in the adventurous instead of acceptable ahead, but at atomic we were driving.
-Coach Koetter’s alarm administration on that aftermost drive acquired Andy Reid to bawl “Hurry the hell up, dude!” at his TV. He collapsed out ashen 30-40 abnormal giving us 1st and 10 from the Rams 15 with nine abnormal left. As you could allegedly guess, Jameis was tackled with no time left, still pump-faking bristles yards accomplished the band of scrimmage:
Week 8:
-The Raiders additionally flew cantankerous country and admitting a 1 PM adventurous in 90 amount heat, cutting atramentous jerseys, and SETTING AN ALL TIME NFL RECORD FOR PENALTIES, they denticulate the attached TD with beneath a minute larboard and the adventurous champ with four account larboard in overtime.
Now admirers of a acclimatized aggregation would allegedly say, “Ehh it’s OK, they’re an up and advancing aggregation and it was article to body on.” But aback this is the Bucs, that was allegedly our “window” and it’s aback to 5-11 now.
Anthony:
In 1992, aback I was 11 years old, the Bucs were arena the Los Angeles Rams on ESPN Sunday Night Football in Tampa. A attenuate affair for my admired Bucs. But, actuality the Bucs, the adventurous had not awash out, so I was relegated to alert to it on the radio.
At halftime, we were up 27-3 and I was a blessed little boy. I went to bed with visions of a 40 point adventurous in my head. The abutting morning, I woke up and the aboriginal affair I did was ask my mom, “How abundant did we win by?”
She had the saddest attending on her face as she told me, “Oh, honey. They lost, 31-27.”
I cried. I cried and I didn’t appetite to go to academy because the added kids all crapped on the Bucs and would accord me bits for it. My eyes are disturbing up appropriate now at the memory. FUCKING BUCS.
Brendan:
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Submissions for the Deadspin NFL previews are now closed. Abutting up: Denver Broncos.
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