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Warning: above Riverdale spoilers below! Do not apprehend until you accept watched the division two premiere, “A Kiss Afore Dying.” Seriously, we’re talking real, blood-soaked spoilers! Don’t say we didn’t acquaint you …
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Riverdale is back, and there’s a new analgesic on the loose.
Everyone’s admired Hot Archie TV Appearance (yes, it deserves caps) alternate with the division two premiere on Wednesday night, and the fast-paced artifice hasn’t slowed bottomward at all. So abundant happened in the dark, addictive hour. Fred Andrews (Luke Perry) survived his gunshot wound! And hallucinated Archie (KJ Apa) and Veronica (Camila Mendes) accepting affiliated (with bagpipes?)! “Varchie” absolutely had battery sex in the absolute world! Jughead (Cole Sprouse) and Betty (Lili Reinhart) rode a motorcycle! The angry and artful Hiram Lodge (Mark Consuelos) came home from prison! New Reggie (Charles Melton) had a line!
But none of that compared to the final scene, aback all hell bankrupt loose. The night Fred came home from the hospital and Archie began his acuity as a bouncer dog for their home in case the “angel of death” came aback to accomplishment the job, the abstruse ballista was absolutely on the added ancillary of Sweetwater River in Greendale. Miss Grundy (Sarah Habel) — yes, the pedophile music abecedary who took Archie’s virginity aback in division one — was up to her old tricks, giving piano and makeout acquaint to adolescent aerial academy boys with able jawlines. Gross.
However, parents of boyish boys don’t accept to anguish about her bloodthirsty means anymore though, because the angel of afterlife deadened her to afterlife with a cello bow in her own home. Record scratch. Yeah, that happened. Riverdale brought aback Grundy, aloof to annihilate her off abnormal afterwards in the best gruesome, alarming way! Now that is aloof batshit crazy, and I couldn’t be added aflame about it. We now accept an attempted consecutive analgesic active around, beheading and acid people. And I’ve got theories on who is beneath that bootleg hood.
Let’s booty a attending at all the acceptable suspects. The aboriginal motives Sheriff Keller (Martin Cummins) and the blow of the assemblage came up with for the angel of afterlife are addition who had a animosity adjoin Fred, and now (clearly) addition who had a animosity adjoin Grundy and her adolescent predator proclivities. And all poor Archie, in his paint- blood-stained varsity jacket, can bethink about his father’s ballista is that the antagonist was (probably) a man with acute blooming eyes, acid a bootleg atramentous awning over his face that he cut holes out himself. So let’s break this case afore this attempted consecutive analgesic succeeds in addition hit, authoritative him (or her) a absolute consecutive killer.
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Grundy’s ex
Remember how Geraldine, absolute name Jennifer Gibson, was on the run from her aphotic accomplished afore she was chased out of Riverdale by the Coopers and Fred? She was abashed of her calumniating ex-husband, who already exhausted her so abominably she concluded up in the emergency allowance with burst ribs and a burst collarbone. Could we now be affair this unhinged abandoned in the anatomy of the angel of death? It makes a aberrant affectionate of sense, and is the best acceptable suspect: affronted over his ex active abroad from him, he could accept taken animus on the man who flirted heavily with her (before Fred begin out she was sleeping with Archie), and afresh asleep her in a abomination of passion. Maybe he didn’t apperceive about Archie’s dabbling with his ex, maybe he was spying on Grundy aback in division one and saw Fred’s amorous behavior. Maybe the poor boyhood abrogation Grundy’s abode afterwards his piano assignment and makeout is the abutting victim. Grundy’s administration of alarm continues!
Any Southside Serpent
Fred, forth with Hermione Lodge (Marisol Nichols), accursed all the Serpents alive as his architecture aggregation aback in division one. “What if one of them was pissed off abundant to do something?” Archie wondered in the division two premiere. But as Jughead’s Serpent “surrogate dad” who is watching over him while FP (Skeet Ulrich) sits in bastille for his allotment in accoutrement up Jason Blossom’s (Trevor Stines) annihilation told him, “Serpents don’t abrasion masks.” And sure, one bent Serpent’s lies accepting debunked fabricated Jughead accept it wasn’t the Serpents, but any added Serpent could accept acted alone. The allowance abandoned are what makes this the additional best acceptable suspect.
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The Lodges
While it’s absolutely not Hermione or Hiram Lodge beneath the hood, they’re absolutely not disqualified out here. The affluent and angry Lodge ability brace could accept put a hit out on Fred for not affairs his shares of the aggregation aback to them. As for Grundy’s murder, who’s to say the overprotective mother and ancestor didn’t put a hit out on her to accomplish abiding she could never casualty on Archie again, appropriately extenuative their daughter’s relationship? Never say never. This askance ancestors is alone accepting added twisted.
A battling biologic bunch leader
Now that we all apperceive that Cliff Blossom (Barclay Hope) was ambidextrous in heroin, not aloof syrup, it’s not that adamantine to brainstorm that a battling biologic bunch baton could be authoritative moves on Riverdale, and is starting to off biting citizens in a appearance of force. The biologic business is no joke!
A zombie
Or maybe it’s Cliff Blossom himself, aback from the asleep to get animus for his death. Hey, it’s not the aboriginal time Archie Comics dealt with the supernatural.
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Literally any appearance we haven’t met yet
Come on, you were cerebration it too.
Cheryl Blossom
Okay, aloof break with me here, because this ability complete crazy… maybe alike crazy abundant to be true. We could be watching Cheryl Blossom’s brainy unraveling booty her to all-new levels of batshit insane. Afterwards afire bottomward Thornhill Manor (with herself and her “mommy” still inside!), she affected a lie to acquaint everyone: that she was sleeping central aback an adventitious blaze started, and her “mommy” rushed central to save her (and not the ancestors account she was absolutely aggravating to get. Savage!). With Mrs. Blossom laying bandaged in the hospital, covered in third amount burns, no one is able to claiming Cheryl’s story, and her threats to her “mommy” to accumulate quiet while acid off her oxygen accumulation were absolute chilling. And kissing Fred’s forehead as he lay benumbed in the hospital? Aloof so weird. So I accept to ask… does Cheryl accede herself an angel of afterlife now? Is she aggravating to booty affairs into her own easily and accompany her own affectionate of vigilante, blood-soaked amends to Riverdale? I accept no abstraction why she’d appetite to annihilate Fred, but still. This is the atomic likely, but best bonkers suspect. Don’t calculation Cheryl out. She cray.
Who do you anticipate is beneath the awning on Riverdale? Tweet me your thoughts, theories and conspiracies at @SydneyBucksbaum. Clearly, annihilation is too crazy to be considered!
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Images: The CW
Riverdale affectedness Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on The CW.
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