++ bitch the door

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bitch the door

by Daisy Barringer

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Congratulations to Jed York, Coach Kyle Shanahan, General Manager John Lynch, and anybody abroad who is a allotment of this 49ers organization: The San Francisco 49ers are now the aboriginal aggregation in authorization history to alpha a division with eight beeline losses. YOU DID IT. You ensured that this 49ers aggregation is not alone a absolute laughingstock in the NFL, but additionally that admirers accept little acumen to achievement or watch.

Because for admirers who did decay three hours of their Sunday watching the Philadelphia Eagles drove the 49ers 33-10, here’s what they got to see:

C.J. Beathard accepting sacked four times, hit addition 12, and throwing two interceptions in the additional quarter, one of which was a aces six that gave the Eagles a 17-0 lead.

Carlos Hyde hasty for aloof 25 yards on 12 carries.

A blocked acreage ambition attack by Robbie Gould aback the Niners should accept aloof been activity for it on 4th and goal. (No, but seriously: why wouldn’t Shanahan aloof go for it?! We were bottomward 27-7 with beneath than a division larboard to play. The alone affair that would accept alike affected to get us aback in the bold was a touchdown. And it’s not like Robbie Gould needs added convenance blame acreage goals. He’s the one guy on the aggregation who’s absolutely acceptable at his job. Best of the time.)

A affecting three of 15 on third-down attempts.

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Zero 49ers credibility denticulate in the aboriginal 40 minutes.

Six players departure the bold with injuries, including LT Joe Staley who abiding a burst alternate cartilage acknowledgment to a bargain attempt by DT Fletcher Cox and FS Jimmy Ward who suffered a burst forearm. Both will be out indefinitely.

To be fair, the bottomless achievement was mostly by the offense. The aegis deserves acceptance for attached Eagles QB Carson Wentz to a season-low 211 yards and burglary him three times, including two by Leger Douzable, which is a aftermost name I absolutely adore speaking aloud.

What’s alike added absorbing is that, like the blow of the team, the aegis has been ravaged by injuries and yet still played hard. It’s one breadth area I feel like admirers can accurately see some achievement for the future. Plus, it’s aloof consistently nice to see an Eagles quarterback get sacked because ugh, THE EAGLES ARE THE WORST.

It’s able-bodied accepted by now that I am acclaim for the Niners to lose every bold this season. Not alone would it be absolutely fitting, it would defended us a aboriginal annular abstract pick, bold the Browns don’t do the same. But abuse is it adamantine to basis for your aggregation to lose aback they’re arena a aggregation that’s so fun to hate. Interestingly, while the owners, players, and animosity account my abhorrence of the Cowboys, my abhorrence of the Philadelphia Eagles stems about absolutely from the abject fan base.

It’s no abstruse that Eagles admirers are The Worst. There’s the time one advisedly vomited on an 11-year old girl, the time addition fan discharge on a Saints fan, and of course, the time they threw snowballs at Santa. They’re additionally aloof loud, obnoxious, and consistently attractive for a fight.

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I alone accomplished this during a Monday Night Football bold at The Vet in 1997 aback I was antic a Jerry Rice jersey. (I didn’t apperceive again how abominable these bodies were and that accomplishing so was risking my life.) Towards the end of the game, I went to the ladies room, and was followed in by bristles girls who were annihilation but ladies. The bath was abandoned except for the six of us and they formed a semi-circle about me while abuse at me and aggressive to bang my ass. My aback was absolutely up adjoin a wall, so I did the alone affair I could do: I Red Rovered appropriate through them and sprinted to the door… but not afore axis aback about and yelling, “CHECK THE SCOREBOARD.” The 49ers won that bold 24-12.

Okay, so I can be a jerk too sometimes. Still, they started it.

Luckily, bygone my alone alternation with abhorrent admirers was aback I had to apprehend them sing that brainless “Fly, Eagles, Fly” action song on the television afterwards every touchdown. I abhorrence that song with a passion. I took to Twitter to allegation about it, as one does aback she is watching the bold on her couch with alone her dog to accumulate her company, and alike admitting no Eagles admirers absolutely chase me on Twitter, they were all allegedly analytic key words aloof attractive for a fight. Which, I’ll admit, entertained me far added than annihilation that was accident on the field.

I anticipate my better takeaway from the bold absolutely was that, admitting the actuality that the Eagles are 7-1, aboriginal in the NFC East, and accept the best almanac of any aggregation in the league, I don’t anticipate they’re acceptable abundant to go all the way. And that’s article to smile about because annihilation makes me happier than the actuality that the aggregation with the best detestable admirers in the NFL has yet to win a distinct Super Bowl.

When your aggregation is as abominable as the 49ers, you accept to acquisition your beatitude elsewhere, ya know?

But aback to the 49ers for one added minute. My acquaintance reminded me bygone that in December of 2014, appropriate afterwards Jed York accursed Jim Harbaugh, Trent Baalke said, “This isn’t a clean situation. This is a reload situation.” Since then, the 49ers accept won seven games, bristles in 2015 beneath Jim Tomsula, two in 2016 beneath Chip Kelly, and aught in 2017 beneath Kyle Shanahan.

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I ambition the 49ers could accept aloof accepted again and there that we were disturbing aggregate bottomward and rebuilding. Instead, they ashen two years of admirers time and money aloof to get to this point: the aboriginal accurate year of the rebuild.

Unfortunately, I’m afraid that we’re activity to absorb this absolute year digging the aperture for the foundation, and that it ability be a abounding added seasons afore it’s alike laid. Which I anticipate is how foundation works based on what I apprehend in Tracy Kidder’s House, which is a abundant book you should apprehend now that you accept so abundant chargeless time because you’re not watching football.

Anyway, the Niners suck. And the best affair that can appear for us is to lose out. Unfortunately, we accept a brace of potentially winnable amateur advancing up, decidedly adjoin the Cardinals and the Giants. The affair is, acceptable those amateur would be pointless. Is there absolutely a moral achievement if you exhausted a aggregation that’s alone hardly beneath abhorrent than you? Alike worse: the Browns comedy teams that will be harder for them to exhausted for the blow of the season. This one’s activity to appear bottomward to the wire.

It sucks to basis for a loss, but at this point it’s the alone affair account acclaim for. Fun times.

Next Week: The (3-4) Arizona Cardinals appear to Levi’s Stadium able-bodied adequate afterwards a bye week. It’s a bold the 49ers could win. Hopefully they don’t.

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